On Taking Care of Your Own Life

Remember: this is also your senior year!

"Continue to do the things that have brought you happiness over the years! Just because you have this large responsibility doesn't mean you shouldn't set aside time to do things for yourself."

"Remember that you are part of a TEAM of FroCos, so rely on your fellow FroCos when you need to. It's unrealistic to expect that you can be chipper, available, and ready to help a first-year student 24/7; we all need our down time. Also, lean on your dean. Don't be afraid to speak honestly with your dean about how your senior year is going and ask for help when you need it."

"Self-care! Set boundaries, not because your first-year students will need them, but because you will. You can't give all of yourself, all of the time."

"Being a FroCo is the most rewarding and meaningful thing you will do at Yale, but you can only be a great FroCo when you take time for yourself, too."

"For me, it was important to know when to close my door since ours were always open to the frosh. It was important for me to establish off campus spaces where I could go to escape the stresses of being constantly available to my frosh. It allowed me to process what was going on in my life."

"Find a place away from the first-year students to study. Key."

"It's all about the team. I can't emphasize this enough. You will be going through a unique year, and the best people to support you are the ones who are also going through it. Get to know one another, and then rely on one another. Talk things through after a duty night, or over lunch; hang out in each other's rooms, use the team to the max."

"SET BOUNDARIES WITH YOUR FIRST-YEAR STUDENTS. While your position requires you to be able to respond to first year studentsʼ needs, that does not mean that they should be calling you at 3am to deal with a cockroach in their room (yes, this happened to me). My suitemate and I established a "door policy" with our first-year students: when our door was propped wide open, they could come and go as they pleased (i.e., for duty nights). When the door was held slightly ajar by a doorstop, first-year students could knock and enter if they had a question for one of us or arranged to meet with us ahead of time. When the door was closed and locked, the room was either empty or we were doing something important (including sleeping) and should not be disrupted."

"Eventually you'll realize that you HAVE to say no, or put yourself first. You should make it clear from the beginning with your students that you're always available and willing to talk, but just like them you have many things to do, so they shouldn't be knocking on your door at 1 AM on a weeknight to have a chat about classes. Encourage them from the beginning to email you for things, or to text you if that suits you better, because then you have more control over the timing of your response and you can suggest times to meet over email."

"Make time for your friends, even beyond your group of amazing co-FroCos. Try eating in dining halls different from your own college in order to enjoy a little breathing space—your first-year students are much less likely to be in other dining halls, which will let you relax and feel more like a person than a FroCo. Also, check out new party scenes about which first-year students are less likely to know."

"Duty is awesome. You get to wear sweatpants, catch up on your shows, and occasionally get some work done. Get to know your frosh better. Invite some friends over to hang out."

"Find space away from your students where you can decompress. Sometimes, being a FroCo can be overwhelming; there were definitely times where I felt trapped in my dorm and needed to just get out and do something. Whether itʼs a bar, a friendʼs off-campus apartment or a nice spot in a park, have somewhere that you cannot be a FroCo and feel perfectly happy about it."

"Set clear expectations for first-years about the FroCo/Fresh relationship. This always involves setting boundaries and sticking to them throughout the year. FroCos do hold authority as part of their position."

"Setting up clear boundaries at the beginning makes it much easier to navigate difficult conversations later."

"As a team, establish an on-call schedule for responding rapidly to student emergencies while also following the current public health guidelines. We strongly recommend that at high-risk times (weekends, Halloween, etc.) you have two FroCos sharing the on-call responsibility; for your own support, you may want to always work in pairs."

On Assisting Your First-Year Counselees

"Use at least one Cr/D/Fail each semester during your first year. It is really hard to gauge how difficult a class is during your first year and you should use your Cr/D/Fail to avoid getting a bad grade in a class that turned out to be much harder than you expected. However, you shouldn't use all of them during the first year because you might need some for sophomore year."

"Things to tell your first-years: Have fun. Don't stress. There is work here but basically it's like summer camp with a few courses once you figure it out, so don't worry. Make friends and have adventures."

"Don't take life too seriously. You'll never get out alive. Worrying is like a rocking chair...it gives you something to do but it doesn't get you anywhere."

"All of my first-year students experienced a sense of not fitting in. It is important to stress to them that they have indeed found the best place for them to be, and to help them find ways to make that clear to themselves. Be sure to listen to them and to help them find their Yale niche, whether itʼs a Capella, IMs, a cultural house, or simply studying on the 5th floor in the stacks – just something that is purely theirs and belongs to nobody else."

"Don't be afraid to quit things you hate. Whether it's a class, an extracurricular activity, or a relationship that's making you miserable - quit the things you hate so you have more time for the things you love."

"Start as you mean to go. Which means setting up your boundaries early. So if your suitemate violates a boundary, go to them and kindly and calmly let them know that what they've done isn't okay the first time. Itʼs much harder to change the status quo and to try to enforce a boundary, rule, or standard after you've let it go for a few months or a semester, than it is to start as you mean to go."

"Get sleep. They won't listen, but you can tell them anyways."

"Don't buy into "the hype" - worry less about what others think and just do you."

"Remember that even though you're living with your peers and this may suggest that you know their lives, remember that this is not true! If you're alone in your room, it can feel like everybody else is out doing something fun; if you're not involved in many extracurriculars, it can seem like everybody else is doing ten millions things outside class. But I guarantee that everybody else feels the same way. Appearances, however truthful and all-encompassing they may seem, are only part of the picture."